I Lost My Leg, Let Me Know If You Find It

Before my leg was amputated and I would see an amputee, the questions always crossed my mind. What happened? Was it an accident, cancer, diabetes, or birth defect? Now I am an amputee, and I wonder if others are having the same questions cross their minds. Some amputees don’t like to talk about how they lost their limb, then there’s the crowd who don’t mind the questions and discussions no matter how silly or serious they may be.

Here’s my story of how I became an above-knee amputee, or what I like to say, became lopsided. I’ll tell you right out of the gate it was not a horrific accident that I barely survived. Nope, I just broke my fibula in three places while exiting the water on a routine scuba diving shore dive. It was not anything horrific like an open compound fracture where my bones were sticking out of my leg. I just fell, and snap it went, simple and quick, no mess.

As soon as I fell, I knew I had done something to my leg but I was unsure what. There was no crying out in agony, or even tears. I just sat in the water while swaying back and forth in the light surge thinking to myself “This isn’t good.” My dive buddies helped me out of the water and carried my gear over to my vehicle, and I proceeded to hobble to my car to get out of my full 7mm wetsuit, and dive booties. If you have ever gone diving before you know how hard it can be at times to get out of your wetsuit after a few dives. I packed up my gear in my car and proceeded to drive myself to the cafe my wife was waiting at, so we could have lunch together. Did I mention that it was my right leg, my driving leg? I met her at the cafe, but our lunch was actually spent in the ER eating turkey sandwiches the ER Tech brought from the cafeteria.

While waiting for the X-rays, I thought, maybe it was a bad sprain or something, and I would bounce back in a week. Nope, I broke my fibula in three places. This really sucked because I had just started my new Dive Master job in Monterey, CA a week ago, and now I would be sidelined for the entire summer.

My leg eventually healed, and I was off to live my life to its fullest again which meant, I could go back to work as a Dive Master and spend my week blowing bubbles while showing my clients all the cool underwater ecosystems Monterey has to offer. Everything was going great until my right leg began to hurt again but in a different way than the initial injury. I shrugged it off even though it was slowly getting worse. I have a pretty high pain tolerance not to mention stubbornness as a mule and just kept on going. It was not until 4 years later that I could not take the increasing pain anymore. My leg had become so hypersensitive, that it hurt to wear pants and shoes. This was a huge problem in the winter as by this time we had moved to the very tip of Northern California, and boy did we get a lot of snow. But I slugged through the pain and snow and just kept on going.

Finally went in to talk with my doctor, and I was referred to a neurologist to have the nerves in my right leg tested because all the X-rays and MRIs were normal. The results showed that I had damaged one of the major nerves in my lower leg, and that was what was causing the intense pain. The official diagnosis was Cronic Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) which could not be fixed only managed. Medications were prescribed but didn’t do anything, it was as if I was taking a placebo. After all my treatment options were exhausted with my neurologist, I was then referred to a pain management clinic.

The pain management clinic also tried medications along with nerve blocks, and several different types of spinal cord stimulators. The idea with the spinal cord stimulators was to block the pain signal before it reached my brain. Unfortunately, all these treatments also failed. After a year of trying different treatments, I was told again that I had exhausted my options, and there really was not anything else that could be done for me, only to try to manage my pain through pain medications. For me, that was not an option, I did not want to spend the rest of my life hooked on pain medications that would not help. I am a very active person and do all sorts of outdoor activities such as cycling, mountain biking, hiking, scuba diving, and wildlife photography, and the thought of not being able to enjoy life to its fullest was not an option.

Due to the intense pain, all of the things I loved to do ceased to exist for me, and I fell into a deep depression, and my weight bounced up to 220 pounds. To be honest it was a vicious cycle. I was depressed because I was unable to do anything active, and because I was not doing anything active, I gained weight. Because I was gaining weight, I became even more depressed. I felt lost, and hopeless, and there were times that I thought it would be better for me to take my own life. That is how dark my life had become.

While researching CRPS, I read a few articles about how some patients elected to have the effective limb amputated as a last resort. I thought this was where I was at, the last resort, and was willing to lose my leg if the pain would stop. The problem was, that it was a very controversial treatment for CRPS, and a lot of surgeons were not willing to amputate because there were not enough case studies to confirm whether this would be a successful treatment or not. Lucky for me, my wife is amazing when it comes to research. She found an orthopedic surgeon who has treated some CRPS patients by amputating their affected limbs, and it was successful. We made an appointment for a consultation and learned that I was a good candidate. My amputation surgery was then scheduled for 3 weeks later. There were risks just like any other surgery, but the big one I was taking was the surgery not being successful, and being left with only one leg. That was a risk I was willing to take, I really had nothing to lose. Ha! except for my leg!

3 weeks later I went in for my surgery, went to sleep with two legs, and woke up with only one leg. The first thing I asked the nurse when I woke up was, is it gone? She said that it was, and I pulled back the sheets to see for myself. This was the first time in 6 years that I was not in agonizing pain. I then knew right then and there I had made the right decision. I would rather go through life pain-free and happy with only one leg than keep my leg and continue going down that long, dark rabbit hole.

And that’s my story! Do I regret my decision? Not for a minute! I will admit that I do have days that are really hard when it comes to my rehab, and I do struggle sometimes trying to figure out new ways of doing things, but what is important is, that I do figure it out. And what’s even more important is that I am back to my active life, which means I am myself and happy again.